Unsettling

(This blog is dedicated to Apple founder, Steve Jobs - who inspired a generation with his resolve to never settle. RIP)

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself.  But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.  ~Thomas Szasz

CALLING ALL FREE SPIRITS, OPEN-MINDERS, UPHEAVELLERS, UNRAVELLERS, UP-ROOTERS, TRAVELERS, DREAMERS AND DARE-TO-DOERS:
 
Do you enjoy the feeling of the wind in your sails?
Do you relish in rebelling?
Do you take pleasure in finding the adventure in the everyday?


Want to find a place where the explorer inside of you is encouraged instead of extinguished?
Dream of people who find the unconventional, fun-conventional?
Want to follow your beat of your heart instead of the voices in your head?


Well all aboard then!!! Approximate length of this trip depends on how long it takes you to look around you and realize, YOU'RE ALREADY HERE!!! Ladies and Gents, its half past now or never and this is your life! In the words of Morgan Freeman in "Shawshank Redemption" - Get busy livin' or get busy dying...

Alright twenty-someones, this post is a biggy-back to my last one but more in-depth. Our subject today: SETTLING. What does it mean? What doesn't it mean? Are we? Aren't we? Are we suppose to be? When should we? Is it possible? Do we want to? If we do, when do we know how and to do so?

Alright 20 (well technically, 10) questions later, let's jump in. Lets start with some definitions and explore. (I don't know why but the theme to "The Magic School Bus" just popped into my head...if you don't know what this is, get off my blog! jk...but, really...go)

set·tle

verb, -tled, -tling.

verb (used with object)

1.to appoint, fix, or resolve definitely and conclusively; agree upon (as time, price, or conditions).

2.to place in a desired state or in order: to settle one's affairs.

 

Verb phrases

30.settle down- ,a.to become established in some routine, especially upon marrying, after a period of 

                             independence or indecision.

                          b. to become calm or quiet.

                          c.to apply oneself to serious work: There were so many distractions that we weren't able to 

                             settle down to studying.

31.settle for, to be satisfied with: to settle for less.

32.settle into, to become established in: to settle into a new routine.

 

Now,  it is my experience, that twenty-somethings more often come in contact with the second context of the word. I don't hear many of my peers pouring over their tax forms and investments at starbucks, mulling over how to "settle their affairs," if you will...

 

But we are well aware of what it means to "settle down" with someone or something. I'm quite sure many of us have experienced, but are less willing to admit that we've felt like we were "settling for less." And as part of the human condition, at some points in our life we "settle into" a certain routine, whether it be things we do, people we hang out with, places we go.

Well, my dear in-betweeners, let me pose to you, an idea. Unsettle yourself. There is no reason why, we in our twenties should be concerned with the "forever" concept. Of course, I don't mean to imply that we shouldn't think about how our actions today affect our futures, but the decisions we make now, do not necessarily have to define who we are for the rest of our lives.

As the up-and-coming generation, I know every generation that has gone before us feels the absolute need to do us the favor of imposing its ideas of what success is and how to measure it and so on and so forth upon us. Thanks a heap, Old Man River but there is one large problem with that. Their standards were set for a different time and place. The world has changed enough in the past 10-15 years that applying our parents and grandparents standards to our generation is like comparing apples to oranges, better yet apples to watermelons.

The archetypes and stereotypes of yesteryear are still alive and well and by all means, if you choose to live in, on or around these -types and are genuinely happy, please, live long and prosper. But my point is, if your inspirations, religious views, sexual preference or God-forbid hopes, dreams, ambitions fall somewhere outside that grid, be not afraid. For off the grid lies a world untouched and undiscovered.

My point is not to rip on people who get married or have kids or make big life decisions during their twenties. My point is that if you don't, you're still doing just fine. And even if you are married or have kids, if you are truly happy with those decisions, you aren't settling if you continue to keep making decisions that challenge your heart and mind. 

As for me, I intend not to settle. I intend to unsettle. For it is among some of history's greatest un-settlers that we find some of the most treasured minds and inspired ideas. People that refuse to be content with mediocre. Who push the boundaries of what we know and stick their pinky toe, both feet or sometimes jump head-first into that scary, dark place called the unknown. Who are willing to be changed as much as they are willing to make change. Who absorb as much as they give away. People like Christopher Columbus, Amelia Earhart, Gloria Stienem, and Steve Jobs...

 

Never apologize for the spirit in your heart. Its a gift, that's why you're suppose to use it in the present....

Now watch this...

Crusade for Purpose

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.  ~George Bernard Shaw

Purpose is as purpose does, but what if it doesn't do? As a typical twenty-something, I have  let the winds of fate determine my destination for sometime now. But is leaving our destiny to fate what has led us to this constant feeling that we are searching but never finding? running but never finishing? reaching but never touching?


This calls for a good, old fashion dose of reality. This prescription comes with side effects. Warning: May cause rude awakenings, attitude adjustments,  feeling ground coming out from under your feet, and yes, the scariest of all....CHANGE.


Now, to reduce these side effects there are some remedies, but they come at a cost. The cost is having to actually sit down with yourself and have a heart to heart. I know sometimes my-self is not in the mood for these deep and sometimes painful conversations. I am firm but gentle, knowing that my-self really needs this to find happiness. Once you have yourself alone, remove all distraction aka cell phone, tv, ipod, ipad, i-anything. Now here is the hard part, you actually have to listen to what your-self has to say. What it wants, what it needs, what it doesn't want anymore, what moves it, what inspires it. Take notes. 


After having this conversation, you are past the hardest part but the journey is not over. You still have to take what you got out of the conversation with yourself and find things in your life that meet you-self's needs. It can be people, places, hobbies, music, art, your job, your family...really any combination of these and many other things.


Now how do you know when you have found something that meets those needs. Well, it come back to listening to yourself. For instance when you are walking down the street and you hear a street performer playing a mad beat that moves you from the inside out, that's your-self telling you what it needs. When you meet someone and have an instant connection, yup, your-self again. Oh yea, and when you lose something or someone and you feel that huge gaping hole in your chest, you guessed it. Your-self just punched a hole in the wall.


With all of the distractions of today, social scientists worry about the loss of human interaction. Well I am starting to worry about our human intra-action, our communication and connection within ourselves. Taking the time to dig deeper and push farther and really get at what it means to live OUR lives. 


And so, on that note, I leave you with a song from myself to me and yourself to you...JUST.LISTEN.

Introspective

A friend asked me today to write an about me. Being one to never back down from a challenge (unless it involves eating some sort of being with more than 4 legs), I gave it the good ol' college try. So in the true spirit of the overly analytical 20something...this is what I came up with.

Me? Well I am the twinkle of my mother's eye in the mirror and my heart beats and soul sings to the same rhythm and tune as my father's when he is singing in the kitchen. My brother was the bane of my existence until I realized the me i love to be doesn't exist without him. For the complex creature I am, I love and cherish simplicity. Simple things build strong foundations therefore I build mine starting with a smile and a hug.

I am at constant war within myself, body and mind. Civil war inside breeding an overly civil outside. I push myself and but refuse to be pushed over. Forgiving but never forgetting. Loving and usually lingering too long. I need to be needed but can't express when I need the most. I am a bottle rocket waiting to explode until i find the nozzle that releases the pressure I put on myself. Perfect is as perfect does but I love the flaws I find in others, just not in myself. I think the most beautiful parts of people are the parts that don't look like everyone else.

I am a puzzle piece, still looking for my place. I look like I fit a lot of places but when you try to shove me in, I always have that one edge that just doesn't seem to fit. So on I jump from game to game, board to board, amazing the pictures they put in puzzles these days :) I dream so high sometimes it gets hard to breath from the altitude. But then I find the oxygen, take a deep breath, and start dreaming again.

If laughter is the best medicine, I would like to live in the pharmacy. I believe making someone laugh opens their eyes, their mind, and sometimes even their heart. I would live in a laugh if I could, bouncing off the colorful, velvety walls and tumbling down, finally landing in the aching ab muscles and watering eyes that come after a really good chuckle.

I just want to be. I don't know what being that "be" means but I guess slowly but surely could win the race. Nothing has ever been easy so I don't expect being the "be" to be. But if I get to see all the seeing I want to see, I think that being the "be" will stop having to be and I will just be....ME.

Another 20something looking inward:

ITS ALIVE!!!

Yes, my darling twentysomethings, I have returned from the land of the lost (or more appropriately, the land of the unemployed and desparate). The past seven months have been a true testament of how much of a twentysomething I am and the terrifying realization of actually having to deal with a "quarterlife crisis" if you will...

Long story short: New job, new city, new roommate, new ideas, new perspectives, new relationships, new friends...ok, so that was the not-so-short-short version...But this hiatus reminded me of one of the nasty characteristics that is usually attributed to us sweet, unsuspecting 20somethings...that fact that we never finish anything we start. So on your mark, get set..(ooo shiny thing...) I mean, GO!

So, now that we are all caught up back to the land of the in between. Today's topic, which will probably be revisited due to its imperativeness to the survival of the 20somethings...FRIENDS.

This topic is brought to you today by the letter F, and no, not for the obvious reason. We as 20somethings, have a love-hate relationship with our Frienships and the F adjectives we use to describe them such as:
"Forever"
"Fairweather"
"Faithful"
"Forced"
"Fundamental"
"Facebook"
(and for those of my friends who are currently on parole) "Flight Risk"

All of these can be applicable at one time or another to any number of your Friends.

AFter having dinner and drinks with two oF my closest Friends From high school, I was leFt pondering the matter of Friendships in our 20s. We talked, laughed, gossiped, and picked up seemingly right where we leFt oFF the last time we all hung out. Of course our relationships have changed but there is something comForting about hearing the same voices and laughter you remember From a time that was not as complicated (or so we thought then lol)

When we are growing up, we look to the adults in our lives For guidance. But in our 20something years, at the risk oF relinquishing some oF our hard-Fought independence From the opinions of our previous authoritarians, we seek out the people who we think will have the answers or solutions. Thus, who better to turn to than our Fellow 20somethings?!

Most oF us have "been there" and "done that" more than we'd probably like to admit. And while there are deFinitely things that we can still turn to our parents, grandparents, or even God-Forbid, our bosses about but their experiences and advice will be From a diFFerent time. We all wrestle with some oF the same issues during our 20something years with diFFerent twists here and there. This is even more oF a reason that we should, instead oF looking Forwards or backwards, try looking From side to side and see who's on the same page.

Now, I know just as well as anyone that there are some people that will be in our lives For a time and For one reason or another will leave. Some leave as quietly as the came. Some go out with a bang. Some Fade over time and some, unFortunately are taken away unexpectedly. There will come a point in all your relationships when you are Faced with the decision to stay in someone's liFe or go. IF you are Friends For a long time this point my appear more than once. And at that point you have two choices, Fight or one of my Favorite Fs the F*** You!

That being said, I leave you with some words For thought From one oF my Favorites, Maya Angelou and dedicate this post to all my Friends, past, present and Future <3

  
Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires
With money they can't use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They've got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Now if you listen closely
I'll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
'Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.