Unsettling

(This blog is dedicated to Apple founder, Steve Jobs - who inspired a generation with his resolve to never settle. RIP)

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself.  But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.  ~Thomas Szasz

CALLING ALL FREE SPIRITS, OPEN-MINDERS, UPHEAVELLERS, UNRAVELLERS, UP-ROOTERS, TRAVELERS, DREAMERS AND DARE-TO-DOERS:
 
Do you enjoy the feeling of the wind in your sails?
Do you relish in rebelling?
Do you take pleasure in finding the adventure in the everyday?


Want to find a place where the explorer inside of you is encouraged instead of extinguished?
Dream of people who find the unconventional, fun-conventional?
Want to follow your beat of your heart instead of the voices in your head?


Well all aboard then!!! Approximate length of this trip depends on how long it takes you to look around you and realize, YOU'RE ALREADY HERE!!! Ladies and Gents, its half past now or never and this is your life! In the words of Morgan Freeman in "Shawshank Redemption" - Get busy livin' or get busy dying...

Alright twenty-someones, this post is a biggy-back to my last one but more in-depth. Our subject today: SETTLING. What does it mean? What doesn't it mean? Are we? Aren't we? Are we suppose to be? When should we? Is it possible? Do we want to? If we do, when do we know how and to do so?

Alright 20 (well technically, 10) questions later, let's jump in. Lets start with some definitions and explore. (I don't know why but the theme to "The Magic School Bus" just popped into my head...if you don't know what this is, get off my blog! jk...but, really...go)

set·tle

verb, -tled, -tling.

verb (used with object)

1.to appoint, fix, or resolve definitely and conclusively; agree upon (as time, price, or conditions).

2.to place in a desired state or in order: to settle one's affairs.

 

Verb phrases

30.settle down- ,a.to become established in some routine, especially upon marrying, after a period of 

                             independence or indecision.

                          b. to become calm or quiet.

                          c.to apply oneself to serious work: There were so many distractions that we weren't able to 

                             settle down to studying.

31.settle for, to be satisfied with: to settle for less.

32.settle into, to become established in: to settle into a new routine.

 

Now,  it is my experience, that twenty-somethings more often come in contact with the second context of the word. I don't hear many of my peers pouring over their tax forms and investments at starbucks, mulling over how to "settle their affairs," if you will...

 

But we are well aware of what it means to "settle down" with someone or something. I'm quite sure many of us have experienced, but are less willing to admit that we've felt like we were "settling for less." And as part of the human condition, at some points in our life we "settle into" a certain routine, whether it be things we do, people we hang out with, places we go.

Well, my dear in-betweeners, let me pose to you, an idea. Unsettle yourself. There is no reason why, we in our twenties should be concerned with the "forever" concept. Of course, I don't mean to imply that we shouldn't think about how our actions today affect our futures, but the decisions we make now, do not necessarily have to define who we are for the rest of our lives.

As the up-and-coming generation, I know every generation that has gone before us feels the absolute need to do us the favor of imposing its ideas of what success is and how to measure it and so on and so forth upon us. Thanks a heap, Old Man River but there is one large problem with that. Their standards were set for a different time and place. The world has changed enough in the past 10-15 years that applying our parents and grandparents standards to our generation is like comparing apples to oranges, better yet apples to watermelons.

The archetypes and stereotypes of yesteryear are still alive and well and by all means, if you choose to live in, on or around these -types and are genuinely happy, please, live long and prosper. But my point is, if your inspirations, religious views, sexual preference or God-forbid hopes, dreams, ambitions fall somewhere outside that grid, be not afraid. For off the grid lies a world untouched and undiscovered.

My point is not to rip on people who get married or have kids or make big life decisions during their twenties. My point is that if you don't, you're still doing just fine. And even if you are married or have kids, if you are truly happy with those decisions, you aren't settling if you continue to keep making decisions that challenge your heart and mind. 

As for me, I intend not to settle. I intend to unsettle. For it is among some of history's greatest un-settlers that we find some of the most treasured minds and inspired ideas. People that refuse to be content with mediocre. Who push the boundaries of what we know and stick their pinky toe, both feet or sometimes jump head-first into that scary, dark place called the unknown. Who are willing to be changed as much as they are willing to make change. Who absorb as much as they give away. People like Christopher Columbus, Amelia Earhart, Gloria Stienem, and Steve Jobs...

 

Never apologize for the spirit in your heart. Its a gift, that's why you're suppose to use it in the present....

Now watch this...

Crusade for Purpose

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.  ~George Bernard Shaw

Purpose is as purpose does, but what if it doesn't do? As a typical twenty-something, I have  let the winds of fate determine my destination for sometime now. But is leaving our destiny to fate what has led us to this constant feeling that we are searching but never finding? running but never finishing? reaching but never touching?


This calls for a good, old fashion dose of reality. This prescription comes with side effects. Warning: May cause rude awakenings, attitude adjustments,  feeling ground coming out from under your feet, and yes, the scariest of all....CHANGE.


Now, to reduce these side effects there are some remedies, but they come at a cost. The cost is having to actually sit down with yourself and have a heart to heart. I know sometimes my-self is not in the mood for these deep and sometimes painful conversations. I am firm but gentle, knowing that my-self really needs this to find happiness. Once you have yourself alone, remove all distraction aka cell phone, tv, ipod, ipad, i-anything. Now here is the hard part, you actually have to listen to what your-self has to say. What it wants, what it needs, what it doesn't want anymore, what moves it, what inspires it. Take notes. 


After having this conversation, you are past the hardest part but the journey is not over. You still have to take what you got out of the conversation with yourself and find things in your life that meet you-self's needs. It can be people, places, hobbies, music, art, your job, your family...really any combination of these and many other things.


Now how do you know when you have found something that meets those needs. Well, it come back to listening to yourself. For instance when you are walking down the street and you hear a street performer playing a mad beat that moves you from the inside out, that's your-self telling you what it needs. When you meet someone and have an instant connection, yup, your-self again. Oh yea, and when you lose something or someone and you feel that huge gaping hole in your chest, you guessed it. Your-self just punched a hole in the wall.


With all of the distractions of today, social scientists worry about the loss of human interaction. Well I am starting to worry about our human intra-action, our communication and connection within ourselves. Taking the time to dig deeper and push farther and really get at what it means to live OUR lives. 


And so, on that note, I leave you with a song from myself to me and yourself to you...JUST.LISTEN.